Part 61:Reality dawns...

I blink my eyes as light shifts infront of my closed lids. Slowly my eyes adjust.

What day is it? Where am I?

I try to look around, to see. Im in a bed. Not my bed, but a bed. A hospital bed.

I shit my eyes left and right.

I see a figure leaning over next to me.
I am so thirsty.

Water, I want water.

"Imraan, please give me water!", I clear my throat and barely scrape the words out. But he hears me, his head jerks up, a stunned look on his face.

"Baby! Baby! You awake! Baby!"
His crying, he rushes to the door, "She's awake!", he screams.

He rushes back, he is holding my hand. He is staring at me. Tears roll,down his cheeks.
"water!", I remind him.

He quickly pours me a glass. I try to lift myself up to drink it but I can't. The pain is excruciating. A nurse hurries in with ice chips in a bowl.

"here, have this, you must be thirsty.", she says to me as she begins checking my vitals.

Now that my mouth isn't so dry, I look at Imraan with a million questions burning in ny eyes and heart.


"the babies...?", I choke out.

A strange expression crosses Imraan's face, my heart freezes, my mind is screaming No!!!

No, no, no! No!!!
I couldn't lose them.

Imraan takes a deep breath.

It was so early, they had to operate. You were hemorrhaging. They in NICU Hi-care. Its to soon for them, its touch and go.

I sighed. That was okay...it was bad, but not so bad. There was hope. There is always hope. Allahu-Akbar!

"I want to see them!", I demanded.

"See your doctor first!", the nurse said,as she finished fussying around me.

"Oh, they are beautiful, baby. So small, tiny and so perfect.", Imraan said with tears in his eyes.
"One boy and one girl.", Imraan said.

Wow! I just wanted to see my babies, I wanted to hold them!

"They can't come out of the incubators, the risk of infection is too high.", the nurse interrupted again.
Imraan flashed her an angry look, "I would like some time with my wife, in private.", he said pointedly.
As the nurse sulked away, I looked at Imraan with worry and concern.
"Don't worry baby!", "Just make dua...", Imraan said, squeezing my hand.
Allah knows best.

Part 60: Darkness and light

I could hear a beeping. I could feel a burning. People were talking. Was it school?

My MiL is saying something. Maybe it's my turn to cook?

I want chicken curry.

What day is it?

Imraan? Where is Imraan?

I try to lift my eyelids, I can't. Heavy...so heavy.

Empty...i feel empty.

I see white, blurry white. Voices, I hear voices.

"Father"...somebody is talking about father.

Father! My father! Where is my father! What happen!

"so small...babies"

Babies...my babies...where are my babies.

"so much blood, she lost too much blood"

"IMRAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!!!!!!!", I scream.

"I think she moved...", somebody says.

I scream again, "Imraaaaaaaasaan!!!!!".

"I think Fatima's coming around!!, she's trying to talk!"

I take a deep breath, "IMRAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!", I howl as loud as I can.

Somebody squeezes my hand.

"Baby, can you hear me? Baby! Fatima, can you hear me, squeeze my hand baby", Imraan says.

I press his hand as hard as I can, his obviously gone deaf.

"She squeezed my hand! Get the doctor! Hurry!", I hear Imraan scream.

I am so tired now, its getting dark, so dark....

And then, blackness consumes me!

Part 59: Sirens and Sleep

I felt like I was moving very fast, but not really moving. I felt like I couldn't move but I was inside something that was moving.

I could hear a distinctly familiar sound but it was far away. I could sense a busyness, an urgency.

I could smell a strange smell and fear almost.

Sense a tension.

I felt like I was in a bizarre dream. Not quite awake but not really asleep.

I could hear a voice, strange to my ears, at first it was just a hum but I forced myself to concentrate.

"I'm picking up a heart beat, fairly strong...just one but.", the voice was saying.
" no! No! There needs to be two!", another voice said desperately.
This voice I knew, even in my sleep...

Imraan, my Imraan. I wanted to reach for him. To see him. He would know what's happening, I wanted Imraan. But I couldn't follow, I couldn't find him. I was still moving, floating, inside something that was rushing.

" there has to be two! Please do something. Save my wife and babies. Please she's carrying twins!", Imraan was pleading, I could hear his pain, his fear, his tears...i wanted to hug him.
Twins...twins, he was talking about twins, his twins, our twins!! My eyes flew open, I tried to see...it was blurry.

" Tima! Tima! Oh baby, why why why! I shouldn't have left you, I came right back to get you." Imraan's voice again, but I couldn't see him. I squeezed mt eyes shut again. I tried to talk but I couldn't. I wanted to know what happened, I wanted to know about the babies. I couldn't concentrate. I felt myself falling asleep again...that sound, in the distance...the sound of an ambulance.

Somebody was being rushed to hospital...something horrible must have happened...

I fell back asleep.

Part 58: Stumble and fall

" Imraan!!!!", Ahmed hollered." help me get my father into the car, lets go!"

Imraan and Ahmed rushed to my father to the car to take him to the hospital. I just slid down to the floor, as I felt my throat constrict, I couldn't breath.

I watched as they carried him out and my mother hurried behind them with Sabera in tow but I couldn't move, I sat rooted in that spot as they speed out of the drive way.   I closed my eyes and made silent dua after dua as I tried to control my racing heart, my frightened thoughts and my constricted lungs as tears streamed down my face. That's how Dadi found me, she rushed towards me.

"Fatima, Fatima! Whoo tahyoo?", she asked frantically.

she used all her strength to lift me up and help me to sit on the edge of the bed.

"bethi, what's wrong! Where is everybody? Is it the babies?" Dadi asked again, but I couldn't talk, I just kept shaking my head.

"Imraaaaaan!!!! SABERAAAAAAA!!!!GORIIIIII!!!", Dadi was screaming for people, where they back!, I tried to stand up.

It took me a second to realise that Dadi wasn't here when we found my father! She must have been upstairs, she had no idea what happen.
I tried to explain to her, but she was besides herself by now.

"Areh! Where is everybody! What's going on here!" she was saying, close to,tears herself.

I heard a car coming in to the drive. I stood up and looked out, it was Ahmed's car, but Imraan was driving. Omw! It was too soon for him to be back if the doctors were helping daddy... Unless it was too late!...No, no, I can't think like that.

I rushed to the door as Imraan parked and I flew down the veranda steps as I hurried towards him as Dadi shouted behind me, "Fatima! Fatima Barbie!!! Areh, nee dhoor!"

The last thing I remember was the look,of absolute horror on Imraan's face as I slipped on the pathway and lunged forward, I stumbled a few steps as I fell, face down, flat on the drive...

I just felt a stabbing pain radiate through me as everything went black...

Part 57: Janaah Charow and drama

The week went by so quickly and before I knew it, it was the morning of the Janaah Charow. My mother acted like the whole of Port Shepstone was coming to inspect the house and eat.

She and Dadi started straight after fajr, cleaning top to bottom, corner to corner, left to right, side to side, under and on top, around and inside! Just watching them, made me tired! I was also kinda glad that I'm pregnant and wasn't roped in to help. By the time the maid cane at 8am, it didn't seem like there was anything left for her to do.

After my mother berated her for 15minutes about how late she was, they sent her of to wash windows, shine the veranda and sweep the driveway! Really? Was all this even necessary?

I volunteered as a taster in the kitchen as lunch and snacks were being made and by 9am my mother was after Sabera to get done.

"Mummy, you do know that they only coming after 1, right?, there is still plenty of time!"

" mummy stop fussying, you making me nervous!"

"mummy, just leave me, Im fine!"

Sabera was starting to get on my nerves too, she was so laid back and lackadaisical about everything and mummy was running around like a headless chicken. I finally asked Imraan to take me to the mall for some last minute things but unfortunately he was expecting a very important international call and couldn't.

So, I asked my father. My father seemed relieved to have an excuse to leave the mad house for awhile and he didn't even complain when I dragged him between shops. It was nice to spend some alone, one-on-one time with him.

As we drove back home, I studied him from the passenger side seat. I was taken aback at how old he looked. His face had changed, he looked run down and tired. While we busy growing up, we don't really notice that they growing old. I think my parents could do with a holiday after the wedding, they need to sit back and relax abit!

Once we got home, I put the finishing touched to the tables and went off to change and then check in on Sabera.before we knew it, the boys side had arrived and the formalities began.

Luqmaan's family seemed really nice and Sabera was very relaxed. She seemed to be enjoying herself. After lunch, the boys side left and I went to admire the kunchaas they brought.

The gifts were very unique and different, a chefs hat, apron, baking utensils and a recipe book set in a gaint cupcake tin, was one.

A blank canvas with paint brushes and paint, made up another gift.

 Tea cups with a variety of teas, sugars and biscuits, set on a tray.

A picnic basket with sparkling grape juice and fresh strawberries. I was so impressed!Luqmaans family was very creative.

My father retired to his room and by Magrib he still hadn't emerged, my mother went to check on him.

I was in my room, finishing my salaah, when I heard my mothers terrified screams down the passage, I rushed out to see what happened just as Ahmed ran into my parents room, my mother  hurried to explain to him, as I listened in shock...
"it's daddy! His just laying there, his breathing is so shallow, his covered in sweat!", mummy said close to hysterics.