Part 42: babies and birth plans

Meeting Nasreen's little Baba on Friday was so lovely, he was tiny and too precious. Small eyes, little nose, a tiny rosebud mouth, wrinkled fingers...aww and the smell! That sweet sweet newborn smell, ahhh.

Imraan ofcorse didn't leave his Guji mentality in the car park, as soon he looked at baby Nabeel, he started with the "He looks just like...".

Nasreen wasn't hearing any of it, "My son looks just like himself, nobody else...dont project your speculation on to him."

...shew! I forget sometimes how blunt Nasreen can be.

Imraan wasn't phased though...he was use to it, his sister Ayesha was alot like Nasreen in that regard.

We had a lovely visit with Nasreen but once we got to the car Imraan asked me why we were the only visitors their...i had to explain to him that Nasreen only started telling people she had a baby now, and we were amongst the first few to know...he was beyond shocked!

She wanted her labour and delivery to be a private affair, her mum and MiL will only meet the baby this evening and they can start telling the rest of the family but Nasreen won't be accepting visitors for the next two weeks.

Imraan was having a hard time swallowing all this...

"What she going to do if people come to visit by her mums place?, there won't be nurses to keep them away!", Imraan said

" she's not going by her mum, she's going home, she has a doula who will come to show her how to bath her baby etc...her mum is considered a visitor too...", I explained

Imraan was blown away, " I get no visitors, kind off...but not even her mother!!!"

Lol, how do you explain to Imraan, Nasreen's crazy philosophies'...

" She wants her post delivery period to be about their new little family, just her, Muhammad and baby. she doesn't want disruptions, inconvenience and irritation...she says that it would be a nightmare dealing with visitors when you should be bonding with the baby..." I tried to explain.

"she also doesn't want her mum or MiL because they will want to help by taking over the baby, she doesn't need that, she needs help running errands and doing house work. the baby must be her only job...something about other peoples scents and perfumes interfering with establishing breastfeeding."

I could see Imraan being completely lost...

" All I remember is that when Ayesha had her baby she came to stay for over a month, I was in matric and the house was crazy!", Imraan said

" There was alot of people around and my mother was so busy seeing to Ayesha, plus the baby, plus the visitors...Mummy really got tired."

" Ayesha's son use to cry so much, all the time...he was always hungry I think."

" Thank goodness when she had the second fellow, I was staying on campus! Maybe Nasreen has a point!", Imraan said with a laugh.

I suddenly started thinking about what kind off boundaries I want to set for when I have my babies...

That made me realize I really needed to think about it, it was going to be a logistical nightmare!

I will be living in PMB by then, our hospital was in Durban. If I wanted to do traditional Huwawar Il have to go to Sheppy, traveling for an hour with two small newborns?...shew!

Imraan must have read my mind..." don't worry, lets move first then we can make a birth plan"

I burst out laughing...a birth plan is for the labour I told him!

He smiled, " Lucky you booked us in for those prenatal classes, then"

I decided he was right, Il wait for the classes and then make informed decisions that would suit our needs.

When we got home, a familiar car was parked in the driveway...one we hadn't seen in awhile but!

" Ayesha's here!", Imraan said excitedly.

Imraan's sister barely visits nowdays, which is too bad, she such a riot! I couldn't wait to hear all her funny stories'...

The weekend looked very interesting....and it was!

Part 41: End to the crazy, start of new beginnings

Yesterday, I woke up to a brightly lit room, as the events of the previous day came to mind, I shot up from bed..."hey sleepy head, how you feeling", Imraan spoke from the  desk in the corner of our room, he was typing on his laptop but he was still in PJs.

I looked at my bedside clock, 10:45, OMW!!! I was majorly late for work...!!!!

" I called us both in sick!" Imraan said, reading my mind again.

I looked at him shocked...Imraan never takes sick leave...a few hours off, yah...but a whole day?!

I couldn't seem to find my voice.

" you hungry ?", Imraan asked as he walked towards me, he bent to kiss me..."wash up and meet me in the kitchen", he smiled as he left.

I got out of bed wearily, in the bathroom I stared at myself in the mirror...after I washed up, I went to the kitchen, Imraan's was already sitting to eat

..i wanted to ask him about the helicopter when the twins walked in with Shireen...

Yusuf had a bouquet of red roses that he gave to me, " Thank you for finding us yesterday.", he said to me.

 I hugged him.

Yusair handed me a gift bag, " we sorry for being so naughty we won't do it again", he said...

" thank you Yusair", I said as I hugged him, I hope you and Yusuf are going to be good now...

Yusuf, Yusair , Imraan and Shireen were looking at me like I had two heads suddenly...

"what?" I asked confused.

" you can tell them apart now?", Shireen said amazed.

I started laughing...i didn't even realize that! "Guess you can't play tricks on me anymore", I told the two boys...

As we ate I finally managed to asked Imraan about the damn helicopter that MiL mentioned that night.

.."oh that, when we couldn't find you I phoned insurance to track your car, the tracker picked up that the car was on the freeway, slow moving...that didn't tell me if you were safe though, just that the car was moving...i knew I wouldn't be able to get to you in traffic by road so I requested that they send a helicopter to check on you, they didn't want too, some 24 hour wait period crap...so I paid them to send it , I wanted a clear confirmation that you were driving..."

What!!! Imraan's like a real stalker...his insane!

I just shook my head, un.be.live.able!

I was about to tell him that, when MiL walked in tears...Bilal was at her heels, ranting and raving...i didn't get the whole story, but it was obvious that MiL was being blamed for fiasco...she had given the twins the money, after all...

I knew Bilal won't let this go until somebody takes the blame...i wonder if he stopped to think about how he made it seem that they were kidnapped because of the shop...

Aye...

Today as we got ready for Jumuah, Imraan reminded me that we have two weeks to get ready to move into our new place, everything was finalized...

Oh wow!

We decided to just buy the basics to function and then do up each room and furnish as time goes...

Two weeks!

TWO weeks!!!!

OMW...i have soo much to do, better start making a list!

My ringing phone got me out of my mild panic attack...it was Muhammad, Nasreen's husband...

" as salaaau alikum Kala", came the cheerful voice.

" what Kala! I'm still young!", I laughed back...

" well you are a Kala to a masha'Allah baby boy..." Muhammad said

Waaaaat! Nasreen had her baby! OMW!!!

Nasreen and Muhammad had told everyone that they wished for a private birth experience and will call only after baby was born and they felt ready to share ...

" Nasreen gave birth yesterday afternoon, he is healthy and she's well, she says I can tell you to come visit"

" Yay! We'll be there after lunch, can't wait!"

I'm so thrilled...time for new beginnings...

Part 32: Ready to pop

Nasreen's baby shower on Saturday was a-maaaaaaaaz-Ing!

Sabera, Dilnaas and I worked so hard to get everything ready on time, but it was worth it when we saw the look on Nasreen's face. She was really surprised!

Ofcorse, Nasreen being Nasreen, had to get us back...she faked going into labour by spilling a cup of water around her and then shouting in fear "I think my waters just broke!!!!"...omw!, I can't tell you how scared I got!

 The food was Devine! The baked goodies were even better, everything matched the theme.

Sabera tied a washing line to hang up messages and advice for Nas...she had printed, pre-cut cards snapped like booties and rompers and hats that we could write on and then hang up on the line, I choose a blue hat and wrote, "all the best, anything you need I'm just a call away."

Many people like me, keept it short and sweet, with advice like, get enough rest, sleep when baby sleeps etc...

But the old aunties...oh the old aunties...they choose the large romper cards and filled them both sides! Essays' of advice filled with old wives tales and myths...

Most of them made me laugh...
"make sure there is no knotted packets when you go into labour, otherwise the cord will get knotted."

"drink jerro water everyday for easy labour..."

"give baby nutmeg for gas.."

Each card had numerous points like these, true or not, certainly unconventional for a baby shower!

Dilnaas served all the snacks on serviettes folded as diapers with little diaper pins, too cute...
I say "Dilnaas served" as if she was literally serving...my SiL doesn't do menial task...she hired people to cater and serve, Thank you very much.

Dilnaas will always be dilnaas!

Sabera insisted we had to drink out of baby bottles!

Nasreen was thrilled with her baby shower and enjoyed all the fun and games.
We sent her home with lots of gifts and a "Ready to Pop" gift basket filled with microwave popcorn, a feel good novel, sweet scented bubble bath, cereal that makes a popping sound in milk and its blue with pink marshmallows, and a roll of bubble wrap for her to pop when she's tired of waiting.

It was such a lovely day...

After it was over Dilnaas, Sabera and I looked at all the mess with wide eyes...we had no energy to clean up...

"I'm pregnant...", I began...excusing my self automatically...

"I don't do work...", Dilnaas said...

"I got it sorted...", Sabera said with a wink...

Before we could ask what or were, in walked Imraan and Ahmed with bin bags and brooms...

I was so shocked...

 Imraan shrugged...

"Saabera said we can't have any left overs until we help her clean up!"

Oh, I had to hand it to my sister! She thought of everything...


Dilnaad and I leaned back against couch and sighed...we got comfy sipping tea as we watched our husbands earn their leftovers!

the perfect end, to a perfect day...

Part 31: You want my husband? Take his mother too!

I spoke to Sumaya today and I couldn't help myself but ask her what made her agree to letting Muhammad marry for the second time...
She said at first she was so upset and hurt she couldn't think straight, once she had calmed down she realized who Neelofah was. She called Muhammad and told him to meet her to talk.

Muhammad explained that he just felt sorry for Neelofah and how tough her life had been and by talking to her again, he somehow got caught up in her issues and he felt like he could make her life better. He wasn't in any relationship with her and only wanted to offer her marriage in hopes of gaining sawaab for marrying a widow.

When Sumaya asked him how he intended for this to work out, he said Neelofahs needs were simple, she just wanted a little flat and a small stipend every month.

Sumaya said that while taking to him she suddenly had a crazy idea...she felt sure of it at the time that she didn't even stop to think, she told her husband that she will give him permission to marry Neelofah on one condition...


Sumaya's condition was simple, she would move out into a flat, maintain the same allowance she has now and Neelofah must move into the main house...if Neelofah or him don't like the idea, then he can't marry her.

Sumaya knew Neelofah would never agree to that, unlike Muhammad Bhai, she could see that Neelofah was just looking for a soft target and playing on Muhammad's sympathy. His soft nature had made him the prime candidate.

When Muhammad phoned Neelofah with the conditions of their Nikkah, she went from sweet to sour in less than half a second...that's when the penny dropped for Muhammad Bhai. Sumaya said it was almost as if he woke up from a deep sleep.


Last night at supper, Muhammad wasn't announcing his Nikkah, he was announcing his pride at his wife's willing sacrifice and making a public apology to her for his error in judgment...ofcorse, MiL hadn't given him a chance to complete his announcement ...


Thank Allah Sumaya wasn't like most people who rush to demand a divorce in such circumstances...she used wit and tact to diffuse the situation...

However, I couldn't help but tease her...she would have saved herself alot of tears and pain if she just went straight to MiL...

She giggled with glee...

ah, atleast that drama is over...i have Nasreen's baby shower this weekend, I can't wait!

Sabera and Dilnaas are coming down this evening, we hosting it at dilnaas's family flat in Musgrave...

things are so much better between Dilnaas and I after I decided to treat her with the same understanding I expect, its influenced the way I relate to her and as our interactions changed it has impacted on her relationship with my mum and sister too...amazing!

Part 25: The Calm after the Storm

The days following Dadis departure saw a kind of hush falling over the household. My MiL was filled with a mixture of relief and shame I think. Her subdued personality was a welcome relief for me in a way.

After Saturday mornings damaal, I almost forgot about Imraam's news, but we finally got a chance to talk. He explained that the firm was opening a smaller branch in KZN and he was the top consideration to head the office and team.

His eyes sparkled with excitement as he told me that such an offer was a huge deal at any stage but to be considered this early in your career for such a responsibility was almost unheard off.

All the details were still abit sketchy, but they wanted to let him in on the plans early so he could be part of the planing process.

I am just so so proud of him, I know it would mean longer hours and even more dedication but this is the time for us to work and set up our lives.

I was thrilled for him, Alhumdulliah.

He told me the next few weeks were going to be really hectic and even though his leave had been approved for our trip to Malawi, he was really having second thoughts now.

But, eventually we decided to go. if he took this promotion and with the babies on the way, it might be our last chance for a holiday for a while yet.

I spent most of the week planing and organizing a baby shower for Nasreen. The only upside to my tardiness was that it was truly going to be a surprise shower, she wouldn't see this one coming at all!

Instead of formal invites, I got a digital invite made by Trendy Invites, I found them on facebook and they made the cutest invite to match my candy stripe theme. So I just BMM'd and emailed that out to all our cousins and Nasreen's friends and family. Luckily Sabera was helping me quiet abit and Dilnaas offered to sort out all the food stuff from her side, Dilnaas and Nasreen got along surprisingly well...i never would have thought.

So there's just a few things left to do before we fly out on Sunday. Our flight from King Shaka International was very early in the morning and we had a brief stop over at OR Tambo before boarding a flight to Malawi.

I am really looking forward to this trip, I can't wait to meet Saleema and see some of the places she had on an itinerary for us.

The weekend after we get back, we'll be hosting Nasreen's Baby shower at Dilnaas's Durban holiday flat (lol) , hope Nas stays pregnant till then.

Saturday is a very important day for Imraan and I, its going to be .... exactly one year since we married, Alhumdulliah! I can't wait!

Part 24:leopard print tights and ice blue eyes

I got there just in time, everybody was gathered in the front hallway, my FiL was standing at the doorway, remote in hand to jopen the driveway gate.

My MiL was not happy, she was adding to the noise pollution by saying aloud all the questions everybody else had too, no doubt.

"Zohra, nice to see you but you should have called", my FiL greeted his small sister, sarcastically.

Imraan's Choti Foi, Zohra, was the 'Black Sheep' of the family, I only met her twice in the year that I've been married, once for my wedding and again for a funeral.

She was a petite women with a flamboyant personality and a certain gruffness in her mannerisms that Surtis find to be so unbecoming of a women. Her hair was always kept in a stylish red bob and she always wore full make up. Her eyeballs seemed to large for her small face and slim features. She dressed in her own crazy way.

She had been shelved a spinster for years, living with Dadi until one day she announced that she was getting married. At age 45 she married Mogamet Ally Hernandez, a 55 year old widower she had met on MXIT from Cape Town.

 Nobody was thrilled but nobody tried to stop her. They knew better: Zohra does what Zohra wants.

They all comforted themselves that at least he was a successful plastic surgeon that drove a Ferrari as his everyday car and had a Bentley for weekend use.

Guji can overlook lack of Gujiness so long as status and money reign.

Zohra had caused another stir recently when she and Mogamet had announced that they were adopting two AIDS orphans.

I couldn't wait to see what this was all about, but I had a small clue...

"oh cut the crap, Haroon!", she said as she pushed past my FiL and into the house.

She was wearing leopard print tights and a black ruffled blouse that tied at her neck. What ever height she had lost in the gene pool was made up for with her pencil thin spiky red heels.

She got straight to the point...
"I'm here to fetch my mother!, Ma get your basics, you coming with me!"
Dadi started disagreeing, My MiL started protesting (weakly)...Zohra held up a hand...

"Ma please, your whole life is not here, just your sons are here...im sick of you being passed around one week here, two weeks there, from house to house without a home!

I spoke to Katie last night, she told me how you being treated, enough is enough...i took the first flight i could get, you coming to live with me!

Besides, Cape Town is beautiful."


Then Zohra looked directly at MiL and said, " Anybody who wants to see you, can pack their stale mootias as padkos and come visit you!"
Dadi looked shocked but not unhappy, she seemed relieved...
MiL rushed to help Dadi pack, Zohra told her to leave it...
"Il buy Ma what she needs.
 Ma only take what you want, the rest Kayroon can courier it to Cape Town for you, our flight leaves in 3hours."

Zohra's husband was waiting at the door, his tailored suit looked too fresh for somebody who just hopped of a plane, the ice blue shirt under, matched his eyes perfectly and the dark suit suited his pale complexion perfectly...

He offered Dadi his arm as she stepped out, lifting her one piece luggage.

Dadi turned to wave, "Kuda Hafez..." she almost whispered...

As Zohra was leaving she said to me,"don't forget to invite me for your baby shower!"
And just like that, they were gone...

shew! What a drama, we kinda all just stood dumbfounded for abit not knowing what to say...
my FiL rolled up his sleeves, shrugged and headed back to his room as the fajr azaan began softly in the background...

my MiL sulked away without a word...Shireen already had her phone in her hand and was typing fast, no doubt BBM texting her mother...

Muhammad Bhai quietly closed the front door, Imraan put his hand around me as we walked back to our room..."so when is this baby shower of yours?"...

OMW!!!baby shower! I had completely forgotten to organize one for Nasreen...her due date was looming...

Part 9- Family scandales and skeletons

I was seriously getting home-sick now... I missed my parents and sister and I had the most intense craving for the Chicken Tikkah pizza that one of the local food outlets in my hometown makes.

I must talk to Imraan about going to Port Shepstone after Eid, it was long overdue and quite frankly we could do with a sea-side break.

Most Guji DiLs go home for their first Ramadaan, at very least for a few weeks, but Imraan's family was paranoid and I didn't want to drag up any old ghost, especially after I noticed that Sumaya too, doesn't go home for Ramadaan. She did go for a week before though, brought back lovely savouries from her mum and nice things from a butchery in laudium.

Before I got married, Imraan told me about Bilal's first wife Farzana, she went home for her first Ramadaan and then decided she's not coming back. Nothing Bilal or my in-laws said would change her mind. 
I also heard that sumaya and farzana got along really well, like sisters almost, so when the trouble started, Bilal accused Sumaya of causing some if it. (that may explain why Sumaya has taken so long to start warming to me.)

After a long drawn out dispute and trying to make it work living apart, Bilal and Farzana eventually decided to divorce. Much to my MiLs horror! She couldn't stand the tainted reputation and whispers, I'm sure.

Shortly after the talaaq, Bilal married Shiraan in a small Nikkah and backyard walima, nine months later...out popped the twins.

Shireen is my MiLs sisters daughter, at the time she was fending off a stigma of her own...the community was buzzing over her broken engagement after her fiancé called it off to make secret nikkah to the 'madragee' secretary from his office. Shireens mother was in a panic, Shireen was already 25 at the time and Imraan's Kala didn't want her daughter to be sitting on the shelf.

The two unfortunate situations made Bilal and Shireen a perfect match in every bodies eyes and my MiL had always had a soft spot for Shiraan because she and Bilal had been born a week apart, their mothers had confinement together. It was ment to be for then, apparently...(to bad they don't act 'ment to be,now') 

Wait, wait...i stopped my self, backspace that thought...never judge anybody's relationship no matter how it looks from the outside, least you be wrong, worse if a similar situation should befall you, too.

Not like I didn't have my own fair share of time in the rumour spot light...when I met Imraan, Nasreen had just gotten engaged and rumours were flying around that I was jealous and trying to break off her engagement, after all, she's 6 months younger than me and getting married first. The rumours almost ruined our friendship, but good thing Nasreens so level-headed.

More than a year ago, when Nasreen heard that a boy from Port Shepstone was coming to see her, she immediately phoned to ask me if his name was familiar, I told her I had had a classmate by the same name, if it was the same boy, we were sort of friends in school and he was very nice, super intelligent too and cute! But I wasn't sure, I hadn't seen this boy in ages. Nasreen didn't mind, she was glad to have a positive vibe because this prospect did sound promising.

Things worked out for Nasreen... Muhammad was a "hunky, quantity surveyor" who grew up in Port Shepstone but studied, worked and lived in Durban. Nasreen never wanted to be a live-in DiL so for her, that was a real plus. The fact that Muhammad's parents lived almost an hour away, didnt hurt his rating either. She really makes me laugh.

At her engagement I immediately recognized Muhammad as the same one I had meant now with a designer beard.
When I went to congratulate the shy couple, Muhammad recognized me and the three of us fell into easy conversation, I think Nas&Mo were kind of glad to have a mutual buffer. Ofcorse the gossip mongers' watched on, eyes wide open...
The very next day the damaal started. I was accused of jealousy, conceit, lies etc it was very stressful because my relationship with Nas was on the line as well as her engagement.

Nas was understandably upset and full of doubt, luckily I managed to convince her that whatever school day comradeship Mo and I had was long in the past and it would never match to the relationship she'll have with him as husband and wife. Plus, I would always respect the boundaries of that. Nasreen is very level-head and once the rumors died down, things were fine.

Luckily Imraan had heard this whole damaal straight from me before he even proposed, ah...Imraans proposal, now that's a story!... But, for another time...too bad I didn't keep a diary back then...  

Part 6- Chicken Soup with a helping of Suspicion

The weekend passed in almost a blur, I spent most of it sick and in bed. This flu really got me messed up. Every time I thought I was feeling better and tried to get up, the nausea and vomiting would return. To top it all of, I was cranky and moody and bloated too, my period was also due.

My mother was very worried, I had to insist that she doesn't need to come from Port Shepstone to see me. Luckily my father was already sitting for Itiqaaf and she also needed to be home to prepare the supper basket for him so my brother could take it after Magrib.

Imraan was worse than my mother, he was insisting I go to the doctor, but really I hate tablets especially antibiotics so it would just be a waste. I wouldn't take them anyway. I'm very stubborn when I want to be.

To pacify everybody I called work and asked for 2 days off, I must have sounded very bad because the secretary didn't even try to guilt trip me...in a small school like ours, they can't afford to let the children catch anything. Germs spread like wildfire! That's probably why I got sick so fast, all the snotty noses and grubby fingers all day, but shame, I love my job. I hope they get somebody nice to sit with my kids.

My MiL has surprised me beyond measure, she and Sumaya have been up to my room so often to check in with me and take care of me. My MiL even brings me tea and soup in bed. Not 'cup-a-soup' too, real chicken invalid soup from Indian Delights!
 She has been forcing me to eat and drink a little every few hours, "You need the taarkit1 Fatima, thoo boor paatri che2"
My MiL has been so caring I'm actually suspicious, after the steak fiasco last week, I didn't expect this!
She's been in a bit of a panic mode this weekend too, cleaning every inch and square inch of the entire house, poor Tumi and Thembi must be finished! 

This week Imraan's Dadi will be coming to stay, she'll be here till after Eid. Its fun to watch my MiL turn into a stressed DiL for a little while, but I know from the last visit Dadi spent here, the minute Dadi around my MiLs big girl champals3 come back on and she tackles us with new energy. Okay,maybe I exaggerate a little...

I can't believe that we days away from Eid already, I still have a few Paras left to finish my Quraan Khataam. I also have so many recipes I want to try for Eid.

I'm a bit nervous and excited for this Eid, it is my first Eid married, so it's the first one Imraan and I will be spending together. 
My cousin Nasreen told me that on her first Eid married last year, all the old aunties kept touching her tummy asking when she's bringing one Baba and coming...Nasreen's very mischievous, she had gotten married just a month before Ramadaan so she kept telling them, "Oh, still 5 more months before my due date!"
I laughed myself silly when she described the look on their faces when they did the Math...it helped that she's a bit on the chubby side too, plus she had worn an Abayaa for Eid!
Neither less to say, her MiL didn't see the funny side to that story, she was fuming the next day after fielding off calls of 'concern' all morning...which was  like a double win for Nasreen, ofcorse.

This Eid falls exactly a month before my first wedding anniversary and when we got married, Imraan and I agreed to start talking about having a family once we pass the one year mark...

Looks like alot of 'first' on the horizon, waiting for me...

Glossary:

1. strenght
2. you very thin
3. sandals