Part 32: Ready to pop

Nasreen's baby shower on Saturday was a-maaaaaaaaz-Ing!

Sabera, Dilnaas and I worked so hard to get everything ready on time, but it was worth it when we saw the look on Nasreen's face. She was really surprised!

Ofcorse, Nasreen being Nasreen, had to get us back...she faked going into labour by spilling a cup of water around her and then shouting in fear "I think my waters just broke!!!!"...omw!, I can't tell you how scared I got!

 The food was Devine! The baked goodies were even better, everything matched the theme.

Sabera tied a washing line to hang up messages and advice for Nas...she had printed, pre-cut cards snapped like booties and rompers and hats that we could write on and then hang up on the line, I choose a blue hat and wrote, "all the best, anything you need I'm just a call away."

Many people like me, keept it short and sweet, with advice like, get enough rest, sleep when baby sleeps etc...

But the old aunties...oh the old aunties...they choose the large romper cards and filled them both sides! Essays' of advice filled with old wives tales and myths...

Most of them made me laugh...
"make sure there is no knotted packets when you go into labour, otherwise the cord will get knotted."

"drink jerro water everyday for easy labour..."

"give baby nutmeg for gas.."

Each card had numerous points like these, true or not, certainly unconventional for a baby shower!

Dilnaas served all the snacks on serviettes folded as diapers with little diaper pins, too cute...
I say "Dilnaas served" as if she was literally serving...my SiL doesn't do menial task...she hired people to cater and serve, Thank you very much.

Dilnaas will always be dilnaas!

Sabera insisted we had to drink out of baby bottles!

Nasreen was thrilled with her baby shower and enjoyed all the fun and games.
We sent her home with lots of gifts and a "Ready to Pop" gift basket filled with microwave popcorn, a feel good novel, sweet scented bubble bath, cereal that makes a popping sound in milk and its blue with pink marshmallows, and a roll of bubble wrap for her to pop when she's tired of waiting.

It was such a lovely day...

After it was over Dilnaas, Sabera and I looked at all the mess with wide eyes...we had no energy to clean up...

"I'm pregnant...", I began...excusing my self automatically...

"I don't do work...", Dilnaas said...

"I got it sorted...", Sabera said with a wink...

Before we could ask what or were, in walked Imraan and Ahmed with bin bags and brooms...

I was so shocked...

 Imraan shrugged...

"Saabera said we can't have any left overs until we help her clean up!"

Oh, I had to hand it to my sister! She thought of everything...


Dilnaad and I leaned back against couch and sighed...we got comfy sipping tea as we watched our husbands earn their leftovers!

the perfect end, to a perfect day...

Part 31: You want my husband? Take his mother too!

I spoke to Sumaya today and I couldn't help myself but ask her what made her agree to letting Muhammad marry for the second time...
She said at first she was so upset and hurt she couldn't think straight, once she had calmed down she realized who Neelofah was. She called Muhammad and told him to meet her to talk.

Muhammad explained that he just felt sorry for Neelofah and how tough her life had been and by talking to her again, he somehow got caught up in her issues and he felt like he could make her life better. He wasn't in any relationship with her and only wanted to offer her marriage in hopes of gaining sawaab for marrying a widow.

When Sumaya asked him how he intended for this to work out, he said Neelofahs needs were simple, she just wanted a little flat and a small stipend every month.

Sumaya said that while taking to him she suddenly had a crazy idea...she felt sure of it at the time that she didn't even stop to think, she told her husband that she will give him permission to marry Neelofah on one condition...


Sumaya's condition was simple, she would move out into a flat, maintain the same allowance she has now and Neelofah must move into the main house...if Neelofah or him don't like the idea, then he can't marry her.

Sumaya knew Neelofah would never agree to that, unlike Muhammad Bhai, she could see that Neelofah was just looking for a soft target and playing on Muhammad's sympathy. His soft nature had made him the prime candidate.

When Muhammad phoned Neelofah with the conditions of their Nikkah, she went from sweet to sour in less than half a second...that's when the penny dropped for Muhammad Bhai. Sumaya said it was almost as if he woke up from a deep sleep.


Last night at supper, Muhammad wasn't announcing his Nikkah, he was announcing his pride at his wife's willing sacrifice and making a public apology to her for his error in judgment...ofcorse, MiL hadn't given him a chance to complete his announcement ...


Thank Allah Sumaya wasn't like most people who rush to demand a divorce in such circumstances...she used wit and tact to diffuse the situation...

However, I couldn't help but tease her...she would have saved herself alot of tears and pain if she just went straight to MiL...

She giggled with glee...

ah, atleast that drama is over...i have Nasreen's baby shower this weekend, I can't wait!

Sabera and Dilnaas are coming down this evening, we hosting it at dilnaas's family flat in Musgrave...

things are so much better between Dilnaas and I after I decided to treat her with the same understanding I expect, its influenced the way I relate to her and as our interactions changed it has impacted on her relationship with my mum and sister too...amazing!

Road Trip Series-Part 3: Flattery will get you everywhere...

The weekend turned out to be as awesome as I had wanted it to be...and it was all over way to quickly!

On Saturday morning Imraan and I drove along marine drive stopping at some of my favorite beaches, St Micheals, the lagoon in Uvongo and finally ended up in Margate. We parked on the pier and roamed around eating ice cream from a little shop by the rocks, inevitably we found ourselves at the funfair, as we walked between the children's rides we started talking about how nice it would be to bring our own little two here, which led us to talking about names for twins...we decided to make list and then narrow them down, I wanted matching first letters, I think its so cute! 

By lunch time we were back in Sheppy and ordered my favorite pizza for lunch. After lunch Sabera and I went shopping with my mum touring both Shelly Centre and South Coast Mall. I love small towns, everything is so close by. We had so much fun and I really needed time to be with them and just relax.

Imraan went to a fish shop in Marburg to get everything on his mothers list.

When we got home Imraan was sitting in the garden chatting to my twin cousins from upstairs' Omir and Umaar.

What is it with twins, I'm surrounded by them, looks like they were always in my taqdeer.

These two however are like twideldee and twideldum. I never liked them, I don't know how Imraan manages to talk to them, I suppose he was just bored.
Even when we were growing up, they didn't have that mischievous spark like Shireens Yusuf and Yusair.

By supper time I was so tired I fell asleep while chatting to my father in the lounge...imraan must have carried me to the room because when I woke up I was in my bed and it was already Sunday! s

I washed up and went looking for Imraan, I found him in the kitchen teasing my Dadi, while she made him tea and eggs.
"I think Rehana is a very nice name, Dadi...it suits you!", he was telling her.
Dadi was quiet chaffed at all the attention.
"Dadi what is this lutchoo telling you, he just wants breakfast from you coz nobody else is awake yet."
"Dadi laughed, leave him leave him, I miss making breakfast for Dada...he use to have eggs and tarkari every Sundy too!"
Imraan winked at me..
I just shook my head at him, it was awesome how he was so chilled in my family home, I hope Sabera finds somebody like that too.

 Imraan always wants to 'hook her up' with his friends so he'll have company. As I walked away I heard Dadi complaining to Imraan about Dilnaas. 

When did my husband become a panchaat dadoo.

After brunch we left for Durban, it was so sad leaving but both Imraan and I felt so much more lighter and rested after our break. We finally told my family that the doctor said we expecting twins, everybody was super excited.

We had a very hard time packing the car once again, my mother obviously thinks that I don't eat in Durban, she sent things for my MiL, Kala and Mamagee too!

The lady Imraan delivered the pickles too had a 'parcel' that needed to go back to Durban too!
 My aunty from upstairs needed us to buy some stuff from the spice shop in Durban and send it up when somebody was coming...

then came all our goodbyes and warnings to drive safely, call when we reach, come again soon, etc etc...it's funny how the goodbyes can be longer than the visit sometimes, hehe...

I really needed this time with my family though, I miss them...once you get married, it's never the way it use to be.

We slowly backed out of the driveway, as much as its sad to leave, i dont mind so much coz im leaving with my amazing hubby, our marriage and life together is every bit as important as my childhood and the years I spent here...i waved at my family till I couldn't see them in the side mirror anymore and ofcorse I was fast asleep before we even got to the freeway...

Road Trip Series-Part 2: Nails on a Chalkboard

Last nights supper was off the hook...Mummy made all my favorites and most of Imraan's...i definitely ate for three!
 That's still unbelievable, Imraan and I haven't told anybody yet, for some reason. We liked keeping it a secret.

Imraan and I woke up little later than normal for a Friday but we were on holiday right!

besides, my mother said I must sleep as much as I can now, because once baby comes I won't get a chance too...i told her the sleepless nights don't last forever?

She gave me a funny look and said I have a lot to learn...

Dadi explained it little better, she said that even though your baby will eventually sleep all night, your sleep would never be the same, once you become a mother its like the centre of your universe...nothing else matters except your child or children...even if they adults you will still have sleepless nights worrying about them.

I understood the words, but not in the way my mother seemed to understand, it almost tied them together, like an invisible thread, they understood a secret, one I will soon be finding out about.

My sister was all over me with constant teasing and comments, she has always been like this. We are Irish twins, I was born 11 months before her, which would have made her the 'mistake' baby, but my brother Ahmed was born 11 months before me!

guess we were Irish triplets?
 
Growing up, they always told me that I was the mistake, they were perfectly spaced...

Growing up was nice, we were very close and did everything together. Our troubles only started towards the end of high school.

When Ahmed was in Matric he got into a relationship with a girl in Saberas class, she was from a very strict family so she used Sabera and I as excuses to get out of the house...she soon got caught and her relationship with Ahmed was exposed.

Dilnaas is from a wealthy and very strict family. Her parents were understandably furious but the way they made demands without discussion, consensus and understanding caused even more problems.

The minute they found out, they were all over my parents demanding that Ahmed marry Dilnaas immediately!

 It was just before final's and my father thought it would be better to have everything calm down and then all 4 of them could come together and discuss the issue at hand. 

Her father was hearing none if it, he said they were children and need to be told what to do, not asked. To which my father reasoned that, children shouldn't be forced into marriages or be placed in the position of having to get married without proper thought and mashoora. If you not old enough to be asked an opinion on something that would change your life how can you be old enough to get married?

My parents thought that an amicable solution of taking away privileges, imposing a no contact rule and deferring the marriage talk would have been worth it. Ahmed would have been leaving for UCT in January.

My parents tried talking to Ahmed but with all the heat from her parents and Dilnaas's emotional reaction and his looming final's, Ahmed couldn't stop and think straight either. My father pleaded with him to hold off till things were calmer but Ahmed worried what Dilnaas would do if she thought he was abandoning her to face her family alone.

Dilnaas's father felt like my family was condoning Zinna.  

They ended up making Nikkah in her family lounge, mere days before Ahmed's exams, my parents weren't even there. 

Instead of completing school and enjoying the carefree freedom of holiday where it seems like you have the rest of your life in front of you, Ahmed completed school and became son-in-law to a tyrant.

Sabera and I didn't like Dilnaas in school because of all her airs and graces and showing off because of her families wealth...now she was our SiL???!!!!

My parents were so disappointed and hurt, this wasn't the dreams they had for their first born and only son.
Marriage should have come a few years into the future and under better circumstances. It wasn't that they were okay with a relationship before marriage, they just thought the situation could be handled differently.

Ahmed had deferred the Mehar the night of the Nikkah and it was quiet a large sum, in all her ' fragile emotions' Dilnaas was still a princess enough to demand a handsome sum.

Initially Ahmed and Dilnaas lived in their respective homes, with Ahmed visiting her often. He gave up his scholarship to UCT and decided to study BCom.Accounting via Unisa so he could remain in Port Shepstone. He started working for my Uncle too. 

It was a very difficult time, my parents still wished that Dilnaas parents were able to discuss the issue and had not been so hasty. 
Eventually Ahmed started spending more and more time with Dilnaas and her family and once again, without discussion or consensus, he moved in!
He became a 'ghar jamai' and it tore into everything my parents stood for.
 
My father is humble school teacher, now principal, and as much as we not wealthy, we were always comfortable. Our home wasn't big but Ahmed had his own room and had they discusses living together, my parents would have preferred to have Dilnaas move in, instead of Ahmed leave to live with her parents.

It took along time, with many threatened divorces and other drama but things seem to finally be getting better. Sabera and I still feel like we lost the brother we grew up with, Ahmed had been thrown into adulthood, prematurely.

That Friday morning as I drank tea outside talking to Imraan while he fussed about his car stinking of pickle because his foi's neighbour had packed atchaar in the box she sent with us, the latest M3 pulled into the driveway.the sound of the engine had Imraan whistling...i knew immediately  that it was Ahmed and Dilnaas.

I went and stood next to my husband as Dilnaas got out with a screeched, "Faaaaaa-tiiiiiiiii-mmmmmmwah!", I heard you were in town, darling!"

She wore a stunning Hanayan abaya, pencil heels that made her atleast 5cm taller than Ahmed and her scarf perched elegantly over the raised bun on her head. her make up was flawless! Oh, why did my mother invite her...sigh.
She hobbled over to us and Imraan quickly bent down into the booth as if he was busy, I looked down at my slept in pj's and old slippers and felt like a hermit in front of the Muslimah version of a porcelain Barbie doll.

"when Ahmed's mummy phoned and said you'll are here for lunch, I had to make those red and blue valvet cuppies Imraan lurrrrrvvvies- Salaams Imraaaaaan, how are you BiL!!", Imraan muttered something even I didn't understand. 

As Ahmed tried to lead his wife away, her heel snagged on the hem of her flowy abaya, to which Ahmed said, "I told you not to wear those damn shoes or this dress for that matter!", "but its Jumuah! You have to look your best, besides we are guest.",Dilnaas replied.

"right, I'm off baby...see you in a bit.", Imraan said, kissing me.
Which caused my annoying cousins from upstairs to wolf whistle.
In my ear he whispered, I need to get rid of this shit before the whole car smells like methi! And I can't stay here and listen to nails on a chalkboard, sorry...(referring to Dilnaas)...

After he was gone, Ahmed came back out,  leaving for work..."how are you sis, heard you got one in the oven,congrats!", he said giving me a side hug.
I looked up into the face I use to know so well, it was different now, older, tired...it lacked the sparkle and mischief of our childhood. "thanks bro"
"can't wait to have my own too, but I'll spoil yours rotten!", he laughed.

He got into his car and drove off, after finishing his degree he had joined his father-in-laws business. He and Dilnaas had since moved out of the house and now lived in a sea facing apartment in an expensive estate in Uvongo. No doubt a generous gift from daddy dearest.

When I went inside Dilnaas was talking my mothers ear off while mummy and Dadi cooked, "put that radio off, mummy! I hate the sound of some of those adverts!", Sabera stormed in, she has never been a morning person. When she saw Dilnaas she realizes her error and stormed out again- there had been no radio on! 

"Fatima, why don't you and Dilnaas go to the lounge, I'm sure you'll got lots to catch up on.

"Later, I need to bath and read Quraan before Imraan gets back."

I too made a quick exit...

Lunch was soooo yum, mummy made mutton biryani and chicken akni, both of which I love. Why two dishes? Well, the princess doesn't eat lentils ofcorse.
As usual, Imraan covered his entire helping of biryani with a ton of dhai, he can eat anything with dhai!

Usually it causes comments and jokes when others see this but today Dilnaas stole the thunder when she asked for a fork and knife and then proceeded to eat her akni using them...however, nobody said anything, even Sabera was speechless!...for now...

it occurred to me that once Dilnaas and Ahmed left my mum and dadi would complain about Dilnaas and Sabera and I would add our two sense...aa much as I hate to admit it, we as bad as any in-laws...

its a vicious cycle that we suffer from, as a community...daughters are diamonds and daughter-in-laws are diamanties.

was the onesided way we treated Dilnaas any different to the way my MiL treated me?

I decided to be the change I wanted to see...to treat her the same way i expected Imraan's family to treat me...

oh! When did I get so mature, thoughtful and serious... i have a fabulous weekend ahead of me...