Part 66: Emerging...

I felt like I was struggling beneath the surface, drowning...but not wanting to emerge.

Slowly the weeks were ticking by and life was going on for everybody else...
For everybody else except me!

I submerged myself in tilawaat and zikr...it was the only solace for my broken heart.

It was all I could now do for Imraan.

I felt nothing about life or the world, I barely knew what day it was and I certainly wasn't aware of the passing of time.

But, alas...time waits for no man.

Shireen came to visit, amongst the sea of other visitors, her visit stuck out.

Most people who came, asked how I am awkwardly..they mumbled kind words and duas and then they felt lost looking at me, I didn't blame them...even I was lost. Most people usually turned to mummy or dilnaas or sabera, whoever else was there...they usually spoke about me in stage whispers, as if I wasn't there.

"Kaam che? Shame man...she's eating ne hando?bechari...whoo kaari?"

I usually just shut it out and continue my ibbadaat, my essale sawaab.

The more I turned to Allah, the better I felt. I was doing something worthwhile for Imraan...i was doing all I could do!

Shireens visit was different, after the awkwardness, she burst forth with news, to exciting to contain...she was pregnant again!

Her happiness and excitement was evident as she gushed about this and that. She didn't seem to mind my lack of response nor did she notice my growing anger.

After she left I was reeling. How dare she! She was cruel and heartless!!! Here I was, a widow before 30...with two fatherless children and all she cared about was herself! I didn't need a reminder how perfect everybody else life was! I was so angry, I cried hot angry tears into my pillow.

Emotions gushed out of me from deep within my soul. I begged Allah to fill my heart with sukoon. I couldn't take this pain anymore.

Once I had calmed down I could think straight and I realized how wrong I was. Shireen had every right to be happy...every right to enjoy her good fortune...every right to bask in the glow of her pregnancy. What right did I have to wish her less joy?

Death had left my children fatherless but my well of self pity was leaving them motherless!

Nobody knows better than me, how short life is...perfect can be snatched away in a minute. Happiness can turn to sadness, in only a second...

I lost my husband but I shouldn't be robbing my babies of a mother too.

I woke up and washed my face...i creped into Ahmeds old room just as my mother was preparing a bottle to feed Zeyaan.

I took the bottle from her and lifted the baby, wordlessly. My mother looked surprised but she didn't say anything. I sat with Zeyaan as he nestled against me his crying immediately stopped as I placed the bottle at his little rosebud lips.

His eyes were the exact same colour that Imraan's had been, I realized as Zeyaan looked up at me. His eyes never left my face as he drank his feed in my arms.

Before I could even burp him, he softly tucked into the nook of my arm and fell asleep.

I looked up to were mummy had been standing, watching us...only to realize she had slowly left without me noticing.

I carried my baby son to the bed and laid down next to him. I glanced at Zehrah sleeping in the cot next to the bed and I fell asleep.

I woke up from the first restfull sleep since the accident. I gazed at my two perfect little babies and  realized that, that moment...that single moment, was the most peaceful one, I had had, in weeks.

It was almost perfect....almost, but not quite.

this sadness will always hang at the edge some where...but it doesn't have to consume me. It tinges my life and thoughts, but it cannot cripple me.

I am no longer Imraan's wife...but I am Zehrah and Zeyaans mother.
Imraan is no longer here...but I am!

I am all that they have...and I owe it to them to be strong. I owe it to Imraan, to be the best that I can be.

Who else would be able to tell them what an amazing man their father was?
Was...were...had been.
All we have left, are memories.

Part 65: The darkness continued

The hardest days of my life filled my world with a permanent sadness.

I went from young bride, to young mother, to young widow...in the blink of an eye.

I was spared the identification of the mayyit as Imraan's family took care of such arrangements. I still can't believe I am in Iddaat.

I feel like it must just be a bad dream. One I will wake up from to see Imraan smiling at me like he was watching me sleep.

At night I reach for him and when I feel an empty space for a minute I think he must be in PMB...but only for a sleepy minute before reality rushes to the surface and I wake up screaming.

I could hear the whispers at the funeral, as people watched me weep. Some weeped with me but far more gossiped.
"Tragedy...poor thing...Joowan pooiri...whoo karai? Allah paak! "

People were baffled, confused, curious...
I was distraught.

The actual mayyit was a blurr, I felt like it was an out of body experience. The reality of it hit me as they lifted the janaaza to take it away. I don't remember much but I know that I was held back by mighty forces as I tried to break free. Every part of my being aches for my beloved husband. A part of me truly died the day Allah called him home.

My mind knows taqdeer and mauth.I know that none of us are ment live forever but you get married and dream of growing old. You don't think that  life really is that short.

Your mind knows so much, but your heart feels none of it. My heart is a heavy stone, it bleeds and weeps. It is truly broken.

I cry every waking moment, when sleep does come, its no escape. I dream only of my Imraan and even in slumber my conscious mind intrudes and reminds me of the nightmare that is now my reality.

I wish I could just sleep undisturbed, forever. Coz when I sleep, I dream...and in my dreams, Imraan is alive. But, when reality dawns...i can't hold it together. Not even for my precious children.

Everybody keeps saying I need to be strong for them, but I can't. Looking at them breaks my heart. They are a reminder of everything we have lost.

Imraan's mother was hysterical after the mayyit. She blames me for his passing, I did nothing to change her mind.

They came today with a ton of paper work for me to sign. I barely read it as I penned away wherever Bilal asked me to. They said it was about the accident and car but I couldn't careless. I didn't want to think of any of it, I don't care about insurance or claims.. It won't change anything and won't bring my husband back. I definitely don't want to think of the accident.

Luqmaan was furious that they made me sign documentation, without him present. But, i really don't want to be bothered about any legal issues.

Right now mummy is taking care of the twins mostly. I just don't have the energy right now.

I just want to be left alone.

Part 63: The beginning of the End

 sat in the lounge of my parents home as I had many, many times before. I kept looking out of the window even though I knew there was nothing new to see...

It's funny how you can keep looking out when you waiting for somebody, you know they not there yet, but you keep checking, just to be sure.

I was waiting for Imraan. I would hear him turn into the drive before I see the car, but o can't stop looking out.

Imraan's doing this drive for the last time. He sounded so happy on the phone when he called me a few minutes ago. He was passing hibberdene. He was coming to fetch me. Tonight we would go to visit our babies and tomorrow we will go to fetch them!

Yes...thats right!
Tomorrow, we taking Zehraah and Zeyaan home. The news has thrilled us to the core. Tomorrow is going to feel,like the first day of the rest of our lives.

Imraan couldn't contain himself over the phone, "Babe, I love you so much...i love our babies so much. I want nothing more than to take your'll home! "

I smiled to myself now, replaying his words. These last few months have been so hard! I shook my head to clear my thoughts and took a deep breath, no sad thoughts tonight!
I couldn't shake out the funny feeling in my tummy ever since Imraan phoned. I was waiting almost anxiously for him to come. He was taking ages!

It would be Magrib soon...i need to put the lights on, I thought.

As I stood up, I checked the time on my phone again. 30minutes since Imraan phoned! What was taking him so long.
A pair of headlights flashes across the yard and I sighed deeply as the sound of the engine reached my ears. Finally!

My parents were gone to visit their friends down the road for supper and I was alone. I rushed to open the door as the car engine shut off outside. When I heard two doors closing, I realized it could not be Imraan.


...too late, I had already flung the front door open.

Part 62:Zehraah and Zeyaan

I was wheeled to the NiCU to meet my precious babies.

Zehraah and Zeyaan

They are beautiful, sweet and so tiny.
The minute I saw them I fell in love! I also knew that they will make it, I just knew.

My father was okay. He had suffered a heart attack but for the most part he was fine.
I was released from hospital before the twins. I stayed in Port Shepstone and Ahmed or Sabera drove me to and from the hospital almost daily.

Imraan drove back and forth between Martizburg and Port Shepstone as often as he could manage. Some days he drove from PMB to Sheppie straight from work at 4, he would get to us at 7-8 pm and leave again after midnight, sleep in durban and drive to work in the morning. sometimes he would drive back to PMB after fajr to make it in time for work.It was exhausting. The only thing that made it easier was seeing how well our babies were doing.

We dreamed of taking them home and raising them. The last two months have been horrible. Imraan looks like a different person. He has lost so much weight, I can cry when I see him.
My mother has been running between me and my father as she nursed us both back to full strength.

I am doing alot better now. I can't wait to start our family life. It's all Imraan and I can talk about. The twins getting out of hospital and the four of us going home. The traveling is really hard on him too.

Sabera and Luqmaan are having a small nikkah this Friday after Jumuah and then the both families are hosting a joint Walima Lunch. Sabera is moving to PMB!!!

I'm so thrilled because she agreed to come home for a few hours each day to help me out with the twins.

Next week our babies will be ready to come home. Imraan is like a changed man already.

I can't wait!

Part 61:Reality dawns...

I blink my eyes as light shifts infront of my closed lids. Slowly my eyes adjust.

What day is it? Where am I?

I try to look around, to see. Im in a bed. Not my bed, but a bed. A hospital bed.

I shit my eyes left and right.

I see a figure leaning over next to me.
I am so thirsty.

Water, I want water.

"Imraan, please give me water!", I clear my throat and barely scrape the words out. But he hears me, his head jerks up, a stunned look on his face.

"Baby! Baby! You awake! Baby!"
His crying, he rushes to the door, "She's awake!", he screams.

He rushes back, he is holding my hand. He is staring at me. Tears roll,down his cheeks.
"water!", I remind him.

He quickly pours me a glass. I try to lift myself up to drink it but I can't. The pain is excruciating. A nurse hurries in with ice chips in a bowl.

"here, have this, you must be thirsty.", she says to me as she begins checking my vitals.

Now that my mouth isn't so dry, I look at Imraan with a million questions burning in ny eyes and heart.


"the babies...?", I choke out.

A strange expression crosses Imraan's face, my heart freezes, my mind is screaming No!!!

No, no, no! No!!!
I couldn't lose them.

Imraan takes a deep breath.

It was so early, they had to operate. You were hemorrhaging. They in NICU Hi-care. Its to soon for them, its touch and go.

I sighed. That was okay...it was bad, but not so bad. There was hope. There is always hope. Allahu-Akbar!

"I want to see them!", I demanded.

"See your doctor first!", the nurse said,as she finished fussying around me.

"Oh, they are beautiful, baby. So small, tiny and so perfect.", Imraan said with tears in his eyes.
"One boy and one girl.", Imraan said.

Wow! I just wanted to see my babies, I wanted to hold them!

"They can't come out of the incubators, the risk of infection is too high.", the nurse interrupted again.
Imraan flashed her an angry look, "I would like some time with my wife, in private.", he said pointedly.
As the nurse sulked away, I looked at Imraan with worry and concern.
"Don't worry baby!", "Just make dua...", Imraan said, squeezing my hand.
Allah knows best.

Part 60: Darkness and light

I could hear a beeping. I could feel a burning. People were talking. Was it school?

My MiL is saying something. Maybe it's my turn to cook?

I want chicken curry.

What day is it?

Imraan? Where is Imraan?

I try to lift my eyelids, I can't. Heavy...so heavy.

Empty...i feel empty.

I see white, blurry white. Voices, I hear voices.

"Father"...somebody is talking about father.

Father! My father! Where is my father! What happen!

"so small...babies"

Babies...my babies...where are my babies.

"so much blood, she lost too much blood"

"IMRAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!!!!!!!", I scream.

"I think she moved...", somebody says.

I scream again, "Imraaaaaaaasaan!!!!!".

"I think Fatima's coming around!!, she's trying to talk!"

I take a deep breath, "IMRAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!", I howl as loud as I can.

Somebody squeezes my hand.

"Baby, can you hear me? Baby! Fatima, can you hear me, squeeze my hand baby", Imraan says.

I press his hand as hard as I can, his obviously gone deaf.

"She squeezed my hand! Get the doctor! Hurry!", I hear Imraan scream.

I am so tired now, its getting dark, so dark....

And then, blackness consumes me!

Part 59: Sirens and Sleep

I felt like I was moving very fast, but not really moving. I felt like I couldn't move but I was inside something that was moving.

I could hear a distinctly familiar sound but it was far away. I could sense a busyness, an urgency.

I could smell a strange smell and fear almost.

Sense a tension.

I felt like I was in a bizarre dream. Not quite awake but not really asleep.

I could hear a voice, strange to my ears, at first it was just a hum but I forced myself to concentrate.

"I'm picking up a heart beat, fairly strong...just one but.", the voice was saying.
" no! No! There needs to be two!", another voice said desperately.
This voice I knew, even in my sleep...

Imraan, my Imraan. I wanted to reach for him. To see him. He would know what's happening, I wanted Imraan. But I couldn't follow, I couldn't find him. I was still moving, floating, inside something that was rushing.

" there has to be two! Please do something. Save my wife and babies. Please she's carrying twins!", Imraan was pleading, I could hear his pain, his fear, his tears...i wanted to hug him.
Twins...twins, he was talking about twins, his twins, our twins!! My eyes flew open, I tried to see...it was blurry.

" Tima! Tima! Oh baby, why why why! I shouldn't have left you, I came right back to get you." Imraan's voice again, but I couldn't see him. I squeezed mt eyes shut again. I tried to talk but I couldn't. I wanted to know what happened, I wanted to know about the babies. I couldn't concentrate. I felt myself falling asleep again...that sound, in the distance...the sound of an ambulance.

Somebody was being rushed to hospital...something horrible must have happened...

I fell back asleep.

Part 58: Stumble and fall

" Imraan!!!!", Ahmed hollered." help me get my father into the car, lets go!"

Imraan and Ahmed rushed to my father to the car to take him to the hospital. I just slid down to the floor, as I felt my throat constrict, I couldn't breath.

I watched as they carried him out and my mother hurried behind them with Sabera in tow but I couldn't move, I sat rooted in that spot as they speed out of the drive way.   I closed my eyes and made silent dua after dua as I tried to control my racing heart, my frightened thoughts and my constricted lungs as tears streamed down my face. That's how Dadi found me, she rushed towards me.

"Fatima, Fatima! Whoo tahyoo?", she asked frantically.

she used all her strength to lift me up and help me to sit on the edge of the bed.

"bethi, what's wrong! Where is everybody? Is it the babies?" Dadi asked again, but I couldn't talk, I just kept shaking my head.

"Imraaaaaan!!!! SABERAAAAAAA!!!!GORIIIIII!!!", Dadi was screaming for people, where they back!, I tried to stand up.

It took me a second to realise that Dadi wasn't here when we found my father! She must have been upstairs, she had no idea what happen.
I tried to explain to her, but she was besides herself by now.

"Areh! Where is everybody! What's going on here!" she was saying, close to,tears herself.

I heard a car coming in to the drive. I stood up and looked out, it was Ahmed's car, but Imraan was driving. Omw! It was too soon for him to be back if the doctors were helping daddy... Unless it was too late!...No, no, I can't think like that.

I rushed to the door as Imraan parked and I flew down the veranda steps as I hurried towards him as Dadi shouted behind me, "Fatima! Fatima Barbie!!! Areh, nee dhoor!"

The last thing I remember was the look,of absolute horror on Imraan's face as I slipped on the pathway and lunged forward, I stumbled a few steps as I fell, face down, flat on the drive...

I just felt a stabbing pain radiate through me as everything went black...

Part 56: Generous Genies

Before we left on Sunday, Sabera pulled me aside to tell me she felt certain about this but very nervous.

My parents were very pleased.

I couldn't believe that we had a wedding to do while I was in so pregnant. I tried talking my father into delaying the wedding till after I had the babies but he laughed at me! There was no way.

My mother said I would complain even more with two newborns. Well, at least I have something to do now while Imraan's at work, planing Saberas wedding should full my days.
This coming weekend will be the Janna-Charow, since Sabera hates 'Indian Traditions', it's just going to be house people...Luqmaans brother and his family will be coming down since they haven't met Sabera yet.

Good thing its a small function, I can't exactly find anything comfortable to wear. I don't know when they going to have the Nikkah but I guess I shall have to wear a tent for the Walima!

On our way back from Port Shepstone we stopped to visit Imraan's parents. It's so weird going there, our room doesn't feel like 'our room' anymore though we read esha there.
I looked around it amazed how my perspective had changed in such a short time.
Even though we visited for a short time, it was so nice to see Sumaya, I really miss that bond we had.

Shireens pregnant again and very excited. She's already complaining about aches and pains and can barely keep up with the twins now.

My MiL spoke excitedly about her up coming trip, she is going to Dubai for two weeks with all her sisters, her brother and his wife. She promised me lots of gifts but I told her not to worry, she should just go enjoy herself.

" Jaa-Ja, my kushi is to spend on you'll...if I don't spoil you'll I won't be happy, no no...I heard about all the souks there, Il look for nice nice things.", She said.

" Jee, but it's not cheap there.", I said. Her open generosity was making me uncomfortable, our family was quite big, I didn't want her to feel like I expected gifts. It would be difficult for Mil to buy a ton of things for all of us, though I am sure my Fil would give her a generous allowance.

We left after a light tea and I was just falling asleep in the car when I heard Imraan say, " I gave mummy some spending money from our side for herself, about R10 000."

Ahhh...it was my husbands generosity that she was flaunting, now that made more sense, I could sleep easy.

Part 55: wedding bells

The trip to Port Shepstone was uneventful. I remember the last trip we made after Ramadaan back when we just found out we were pregnant.

Sabera looked absolutely stunning for her meeting with Luqmaan. She wore a simple but lovely knee-length top with jeans and her scarf and shoes just tied the outfit together. She looked stunning but no different from the way she dresses usually. I was so glad she didn't try to make herself into something she isn't.

Luqmaan wore jeans and a shirt tucked in, in a very smart casual look that suited him perfectly. I could already think of him as a 'brother', he looked very intimidated when he created Ahmed which was funny because Luqmaan was a year older than Ahmed, but Ahmed had that effect on people.

I couldn't help but notice that Luqmaan was wearing a shirt that was the exact shade of grey that Sabera loves, her room curtains were the very same colour. I wonder if it was a coincidence or he panned that.

My mother went all out for the visit and made a million little eats for them. I felt very privileged that even though I was technically from the "boys side", it was my parents home so nobody raised eyebrows when I heaped my plate multiple times and whacked lashings of chutney's.

Dadi kept saying, "kaah...kaah..." and eat I did!

When Sabera and Luqmaan came back from their brief chat, they looked like deer and doe caught in headlights. My heart went all melty...
This looked like a done deal but ofcorse Luqmaan left with a question he would have to wait for the answer too.

As soon as they left, Ahmed, Imraan and I turned to torment Sabera but she was way smarter than that...she rushed of to her room saying she had istikara to make.

Imraan and I had decided that we would spend the rest of the weekend with my parents. So I am totally looking forward to full share of spoiling. Ofcorse I am suddenly feeling for everything.

Part 53: Dodged a bullet...

After I calmed down on Saturday night, we managed to have a beautiful date under the stars.

Imraan and I spoke about everything and life has more or less settled down into a happy routine.

Now that Imraan isn't working crazy hours, we can spend more time together and enjoy the last few months of our pregnancy. I can't believe that in 2 months we will be a family if four!

I changed my hospital booking to a hospital here to make life easier for us.

We spent yesterday exploring midmar dam and even took a short drive to the quaint little town of Nottingham Road. Imraan has booked us a weekend away at Midlands saddle and trout that I am really looking forward to.

But before that, we will be hosting my family and ofcorse there is that proposal ambush my mother has planned for Sabera. I don't think my mother is very good at deception though, because Sabera called me today, in a panic.

"Fatima! You have to help me stop mummy from inviting those people from coming to see me!!!", she practically yelled into the phone.
I didn't even get to ask her how she found out about it because she was off on another tangent.

"You remember my friend Serisha?...", Sabera asked.

"-yes! The one that's engaged to a Muslim boy?", I replied...remembering Sabera's pretty friend who came home for iftaar every night one Ramadaan, a scarf neatly perched on her head. She had explained that she had met a Muslim boy and they were going to get married , so she was practicing from now. That was years ago...what did she have to do with any of this!

" well yes! She's pregnant...-", Sabera said.

" oh wow, that's great, how far along is she? You didn't tell me she got married, did she marry the same guy?..", I said excitedly.

" she didn't! Fatima pay attention!!", Sabera said, impatiently.

"She didn't marry him, he never even introduced her to his family...he just kept promising that soon has his finished with his studies. She believed him because he was doing hifiz etc. Then she fell pregnant and when she told him he got very angry and said she was trying to trap him and he never wanted to see her again!", Sabera said in a rush.

Omw...i was shocked! Why was Sabera telling me all this but.

"Fatima, this is the same guy mummy wants me to meet.", Sabera finished with a sigh.

" Whaaaaaaaaaat!", I gasped, horrified.

Shoh! No wonder Sabera was so against it. The cheek of this boy, to string along a sweet girl, promising her the world and using her...and then dropping her to save your own reputation. No regard for her, her future and the child you fathered....and then, find a nice innocent girl to marry, who is non the wiser of your past! The story made me sick!

I told Sabera not to worry, I would sort it out. Later I called my mother and told her Imraan and I weren't willing to host these people because we have heard some very unflattering things. My mother sounded very annoyed  over my vague excuse but since it is our home, she couldn't push it. She did start stressing over what to tell the family so I suggested that she let Gori Foi, as the go between, to deal with it.

My mother called me back very late last night to tell me that a friend of hers was visiting and she confided in her about the dilemma over the proposal...some how, tue story about Serisha had reached this lady's ears and my mother was both shocked and grateful that we had managed to call off the meeting.

Dodged a bullet there...

Part 52: Snot, tears and moonlight

Imraan sent me a text message after lunch today, it said: " get ready tonight...a date under the stars...dress to impress...its only for our eyes!"

I was so surprised to receive the message, I immediately tried to call him but it just rang till voicemail. I decided to play along, we really needed these 'dates', but were could we go where it would be just us! PMB isn't that big!
I decided to play it safe...I wore a low cut short dress with thights, I did my hair up into a high bun and glammed it up with a tiara clip and diamond earings, I put full make up on too, unfortunately I couldn't wear heels so I wore a very pretty, strappy sandal....then I wore an abayaa and scarf over!

This way, I was dressed to be out in public but if Imraan truly had a "just the two of us date" planned, then I just had to remove the abayaa and  scarf! Perfectoo!

When Imraan picked me up, I was so excited... I paid attention while he was driving to try and figure out where we were heading...funny thing is...it looked like we were heading back to his office!! I hope I was wrong...there is nothing romantic about going to his office building!
I tried to keep up with the conversation as we drove but we just seem to get closer and closer to .... The Office!!!!

Imraan parked and turned to look at me, the excitement in his eyes was clear...excited about what!!!!! He spent all his time here and now he brings me HERE for a date too!!!!

Imraan laughed at the look on my face, he pulled out an airline eye cover from his pocket and told me to put it on...i almost growled at him...what kind of surprise was this! I couldn't keep the look of annoyance of my face...
"what are we doing here, Imraan!", I demanded.

" trust me babe, its not what you think, I promise.", Imraan said

Well what choice did I have! Once in the lift Imraan gave me the blindfold to wear. I looked at it skeptically.

"you sure that's a good idea? Im pretty wobbly anyway, I would be a hazard blinded", I said.
" Don't worry, I'll be your eyes.", Imraan said laughing.

I was really questioning his thought process...a surprise date at his office? Blindfolding his very pregnant wife? Imraan's insane!!

I reluctantly slipped on the blindfold and  within seconds the lift launched upward, I grabbed the rail to steady myself, Imraan placed a reassuring hand on my arm. I felt the lift come to a halt and the door slid open, I blast of cool air greeted me...it didn't smell like a stuffy office.

As Imraan guided me out of the lift I got the sense that I wasn't indoors anymore.
"you can take out the blindfold.", Imraan whispered.

I took of the cover and slowly opened my eyes...the sight made my breath catch!
Imraan slipped his hand into mine and lifted it to his lips...he kissed it and looked into my surprised eyes...a slow smile lingered on his lips..."Surprise!", he said.

I laughed...i couldn't help it...i just laughed.
I laughed at my earlier reservations and annoyance...at my hesitation. I laughed at Imraan, his boyishness, his secrecy. I laughed...and it felt so good.

It was like a release of all the tension from the last few weeks, all the emotions...
And then, my laughter turned to tears...

There I stood, on the roof garden of the office building. The night sky was a decadent dark blue that looked almost black...the stars twinkles above me. Lit candles were placed here and there, the flames swaying in the gentle breeze, and there I stood, crying!
The tears poured out of me, not sweet gentle ones...No! These were hot, snotty, hiccup tears, running rivers down my face, spoiling my makeup.

I stood crying my eyes out as I looked at the beautiful set up of scattered cusions and lanterns on a soft green blanket. The picnic basket and bucket of ice that was chilling our drinks...the fancy tableware and the bouquet of roses...

Imraan had planned the perfect, romantic, private date...and I was thanking him as if I was at a funeral!!

My sweet sweet husband, just wrapped me in a tight embrace, till my tears came to an end...

Part 51: Matchmaking and ambushing

My mother called me back to tell me the real reason she called!
Gori Foi had phoned to say her  say that her neighbour was looking for a 'nice girl' for her son.

"Ettlo haro pooiro che!, kurta, beard ne hando!", Gori foi had said to mummy.

So the lovely boy wants to meet Sabera.
Sabera however, is just not interested!

Mummy said that after much persuasion Sabera had relented and agreed to atleast meet him, she even got curious about his name and surname and mummy had thought she was finally coming around. Then all of a sudden she flew of the handle and changed her mind. She was refusing to meet him.

Mummy and Gori Foi decided that telling the boys family not to come now was just rude, so they arranged for them to meet at my home!
Sabers is going to be furious! I begged mummy not to put me in the middle of this. My mother somehow talked me into agreeing and I just had a nasty feeling.

My mother thinks Sabera is just being difficult, this boy was from a respected family, he was a hafiz, he is an accountant and already has a job...in my mothers eyes, it was already a match.

Once I got of the phone with my mother, I too was thinking that no harm could come from them just meeting. Nobody was asking Sabera to marry him on the spot, or even like him...but she could at least meet him.

Imraan didn't like my mothers sneaky idea about ambushing Sabera into meeting this guy. Imraan felt like Sabera probably had a good reason to refuse...

"A good reason like what!", I challenged him.

" like maybe she already has somebody else in her life or on her mind.", Imraan suggested.

WHAT!!!!

How could Imraan even suggest that!
I was so mad at him.

He smiled slyly..." Maybe her big sister thought her a thing or too...!", he winked.

I couldn't help but laugh!

"Well, if it doesn't work out with this guy, there is somebody I would like to introduce her too...", Imraan said offhandedly.

Whaaaaat! Who?!;!

Imraan that monkey...he just winked again and left for work.

Part 50: Errands and Excuses

As hard as Imraan and I have been trying, we seemed to be getting lost in the whole humdrum of life. It seems as if little things are making huge spaces between us.
I have been so focused on setting up home and Imraan is very busy with work, I between all that was MiLs drop -in and now my Gori Foi is acting up.

When we moved to PMB I didn't think that my Aunty would decide that we her new taxi drivers. She phones me every fee days with some errand or the other.

"Fatima bethi, can you please give me lift to the hair salon, so many days I never dye my hair."

"Salaam Likum Fati, how you! You know that fabric shop down their on church street, must tell me if you going that side, no hurry hurry, I just want to get some material before the sale finishes."

"Fatima, when you get a chance must take me to the dress maker."

Argh!!! Im pregnant, I hate driving around in the heat. Im also not familiar with the streets and Gori Fois directions are just terrible!!

" Turn over there!"
"go back go back!"
"little bit more"
" next to the black car is the driveway"

It was way to stressful so I started making excuses, doctors appointments...dentist...gyni...vomiting...leg cramps...stomach pains...anything I could think of!

I must have over did it abit coz my mother called last night, her voice full of worry!
" Fatima are you okay batchoo?"

" Jee I am fine mummy."

" you sure? I just spoke to Gori Foi now and she says you always feeling sick and going to the doctors."

I felt so guilty, good thing my mother couldn't see my red face through the phone!

" if you want me to come stay with you for a few days, just let me know!"

I felt horrible now, my mother didn't need the stress, my dad wasn't feeling well and mummy was taken a strain because of it.

" no no mummy, I'm okay I promise. Sometimes I just make things more dramatic because Gori Foi always needs a lift here and there", I finally admited

"What!!! She's using you to take her around! In your condition! I'll tell Dadi about this", my mother fumed

Oh-0, now I was really causing it.

"Mummy stop fussing, I'm fine really...hows daddy?"

My mother heaved a huge sigh and I immediately felt her worry stress as she spoke about my fathers lack of energy, chest pains and stubbornness. He was still refusing to go to the doctor!

My mother said she was thinking of inviting mamagee up for lunch on Sunday so he could by the way talk some sense into my father and perhaps check him out!

"He still wants ghee rotis and oily oily achaar, Fatima!", my mother said sounding so upset.
I got of the phone feeling horrible, I decided I really needed to go visit my parents soon.

As luck would have it...they decided to come to see me. 

Part 49:Point Taken

Pregnancy brain really got me for a six, after fajr I had explained to Imraan how I had mixed up the dates and he couldn't believe it.

We had such a lovely date night last night. We went to a really nice restaurant for supper and a drive through the empty streets afterwards as we chatted and laughed. It was so good to spend time with him like that.

Imraan assured me that things would settle down soon for him at work and we would have more time together. I was glad.

I tried to explain to Imraan how annoyed I was that his mother had rearranged the kitchen to suit herself but he didn't understand. He said she was only trying to help and I can just put it right when she was gone, no big deal.

Today Shireen and Bilal drove up to fetch MiL since her friend had decided to stay in PMB for a few more days, while everybody was eating lunch I asked the twins to go to the garage and see if the want to set some of Imraan's tools right for him. Imraan is very fussy about his tools, he has a special cabinet for them that he made himself and everything is neatly organized.

I watched at the twins reset all the containers of screws and nuts and bolts according to the lid colours and then mixed up the star and flat screwdrivers. I was more than happy for their "help" and directed them out before they caused to much of a ruckus.

So tonight after supper I asked Imraan to please screw on the hinge that had come of the cupboard door...his shout of irritation from the garage when he discovered his neatly arranged tools had, me laughing.

I tried to keep a straight face as Imraan came back demanding to know what happen to his tool cabinet...

" oh, the twins...they were just trying to help...you can just rearrange it now,they gone.."

Imraan looked like he was going to explode!!!
He must off caught my hard to hide grin because his face suddenly changed as the penny dropped.
'Point taken', he muttered as he back walked out of the kitchen, " Il speak to my mum".
" Thanks!", I replied with a smug look...
"oh and Imraan...dont forget to fix that door for me!"
"Humph!", was the only reply followed by the jingle of the tools....

Part 48: Trouble in Paradise

I quickly pressed the button to open the gate to allow my MiL in. I had no idea she was coming for a visit today. She and my FiL had already come to 'see' the place when we first moved. Maybe she had told Imraan and he forgot to tell me.

Imraan has been so busy with work, I barely see him. He flies out the door, grabbing his breakfast as he goes. Most nights he calls to say he will be late, not to wait up for him. I try to stay positive about it but I do get lonely, I barely know anybody in PMB except my Gori Foi and her husband, and quiet frankly, she works on my nerves now days!

My MiL started talking as soon as she saw me, clearly not offended by the incident.
" Fatima Barbie! Salaam Alikum, I'm so lucky to get a lift here today. You know my friend fazila, from the corner house, yah she told me she was coming up today because her DiL went into labour, Shukaar Alhumdulliah, I said let me just jump in with her, atleast I can come help you here. Look at taqdeer, who knew I will be here today!"

Oh boy....there goes my relaxing bubble bath. Serves me right for thinking that I was 'lonely'.
I shouldn't have stressed about playing hostess, my MiL made herself right at home. She changed from wedge clogs to champals and switched the kettle on. Once she had her tea she looked towards the stove, her brow frowning...

" Fatima Barbie, areh areh, no pots on the stove? It's 2 o' clock already, what time you going to start cooking?"

I just sighed...maybe it was pregnancy hormones or maybe I was just over tired, but I really wasn't in the mood for my MiLs dramatics today. I should have just let Elie chase her away!!!!

" No Ma, Imraan's taking me out for supper tonight", I said.

Imraan was feeling guilty about how little time we had spent together over the last few weeks since we moved, so to make up for it, he decided we would do a date night. I was seriously thinking of canceling it now. I was exhausted and this impromptu visit from his mother, wasn't helping either.

As I watched her scanning my kitchen with her critical eyes, I found myself seething. I decided I needed a time-out, I excused myself to take a shower.

When I came back my MiL was busy arranging canisters on the counter. I decided to ignore her and go read Quraan and get ready for my date with Imraan.

By half five I was really hungry, I was tired of all my MiL stories too. I actually envied Elie as she got her stuff together to leave. I wondered when MiL will be leaving so I casualy asked her if her friends DiL had had her baby.

"No no, she is still in labour, shame man. Fazila phoned to say she can't go back to Durban tonight. Luckily I carried spare set clothes. You see, must always be prepared!". My MiL said.
My patience was really thin today, I found myself fuming! Not only did my MiL drop in unannounced but now she just decided to stay overnight aswell. She wasn't even
apologizing ! She knew Imraan and I were planning to go out too.

Being six months pregnant in the heat wasn't doing me any favours. I was moody and the stress of moving, settling in and adjusting to Imraan's new schedule, was all taking a toll on me.

I decided to breath in and out and try to calm down. It helped abit.

An hour later I was still waiting for Imraan, I was really hungry now and debated whether to have a sandwich or just wait. I tried Imraan's phone but it just rang. I didn't want to have something to eat if he was just a few minutes away and then be too full to enjoy my supper.
Half an hour later, I gave up. I made a sandwich for me and one for MiL, we ate in near silence. After we were done I tried Imraan's phone again, it went straight to voicemail. I sighed and slipped of my shoes, either he was very busy and delayed or he completely forgot our plans, either way, I was sick of waiting. I made him a sandwich too and left it in the micro.

MiL saw my mood and decided to make excuses for him. I excused myself and went to bed.

 I heard Imraan coming in late that night, as he got into bed he whispered, "everything alright?", I hmmmmed in reply...
"Oki, don't forget, tomorrow is our date night", Imraan said as he kissed me goodnight.

I sneaked a peep at my cellphone...sure enough, I had my dates mixed up! Argh!

Part 47: Settling in...

The shrill ringing of the intercom buzzer made me jump. I had been daydreaming as I finished up in the kitchen.

My kitchen was finally organized and fully functional and I was so proud. The kitchen is the heart of the home after all.

I was so pleased with my shiny new appliances, I couldn't stop admiring them. Imraan hadn't spared any cost, he obligingly paid for all my whims and fancies, Alhumdulliah. I was thrilled with the end result.

We were slowly putting our home together and surprisingly in such a short time we had achieved so much. There was still loads to do though, the kitchen was the first room to be completely done.

Now I am going to concentrate on our bedroom and bathroom, both were completely functional so it's just the special finishing touches left.

I sighed happily as I put the last spice bottle in the rack...ahh perfect!

The insistent buzzer went of again, immediately annoying me!

 Argh...Now what!!!

When the previous owner, Aunty Fatima, had said to expect a few 'service providers', I had assumed she ment a Gardner or roof cleaner, I wasn't prepared for the crazy...

First was the mealie lady...she came that first Monday, pressing the intercom to tell me "your mealies GoGo"
"my mealies! Err no thanks!" niether Imraan nor I were very fond of mealies.

She pressed the buzzer again to say "aww GoGo, but you always take the mealies!"
I tried to explain to her over the intercom that I wasn't GoGo but I gave up...

I sent Elie to explain to her that the house had new owners and her mealies will no longer be required.

Elie was Aunty Fatimas maid, when we bought the house, aunty Fatima asked us if we wouldn't mind keeping her as she felt bad leaving her without a job, she had been with them for the past 10 years and was completely trustworthy.

I readily agreed, I didn't want to go looking for household help in a new town. Elie proved to be a gem, she knew her work and was efficient, unfortunately she wasn't very bright.

Last week a man pressed the buzzer, when I answered he said he was selling "mops, brooms and feather dusters" I sent Elie to get me a feather duster. When she came back she didn't have any change for me, when I asked her why, she said that the man kept the change because Aunty Fatima use to give him little extra...
...little extra???!!!!
 I had paid R100 for the R20 feather duster.
Oh well...

Last Saturday's buzzer business was by far the most bizarre. When I told Imraan about it he wouldn't  stop laughing!

The buzzer had sounded around midmorning, by then I knew better than to hurry for it. After it went off a few times I decided to get it. I pressed the botton saying "hello"
The reply came...."Chicken fat, bones, anything!"
Say what! I was so shocked, why would Aunty Fatima be buying those things from a house to house seller!

Elie saw my expression and said, " the mama comes to get chicken fat and bones from Madaam every week"
Ooooooh!
So I held down the button again and said, "sorry nothing!"
The buzzer sounded immediately!
" haibo madam! I come from so far!"

I honestly didn't have anything so I gave Elie some canned food and biscuits to give the mama and tell her that the owners had moved.
Shew...these buzzer people were really starting to bother me.

So that's why I was trying to ignore the buzzer today, I didn't want to deal with anymore bizarre stuff. I hoped the person would get the message and move on.

But it seemed this person was determined to finish the batteries maybe, the buzzer continued shrilly.

Elie!!!!, I called out.
"yes madam", she said
" Go see who that is and tell them to go away!", I said annoyed.

I heard Elie through the open kitchen window as she went towards the gate and called out, "Madam said GO AWAY!!!"

And the reply came, " Tell madam its her Mother-in-law!!!"



O.M.W...

Now what!!!!!

Part 46: It's a wrap!

I had completely forgiven Imraan for all the weirdness over Zain.  Even though it hurt my feelings that he had jumped to conclusions like that, I wasn't prepared to dwell over it and let it feaster.

That doesn't mean I wasn't enjoying Imraan making it up to me! He was extra sweet to me this morning, he woke up early and went to the garage to buy me a cappuccino from the machine coz he knows I love that one!
At lunch time he had a delivery waiting for me...Biryani!

Coz he knows chocolates and flowers wouldn't melt me the way dek biryani would.
I love how Imraan knows me so well. I love him more for it.

I spent my free-time making a to-do list of what I need to do next week ahead of the move.Today was my last official day at work but I would be coming in next week to have a party with the children to say good-bye.

  The principal had handed me a memo to sign...i was surprised to see that it was an invite for a farewell in my honour! I can't believe they going through so much trouble. Luckily I had already decided to buy each member of staff a small parting gift.

This weekend Imraan and I will be packing some of our clothes. We also need to buy some household basics. My MiL said she will cook and freeze some meals for us to run us the first week or two till we settle in so we can do grocery shopping later.

I'm so excited to put together our home and begin the new chapter of our lives.

I also spoke to my mother today and she sounded abit stressed out, she said my dad had been complaining about chest pains and he refused to go to the doctor.

I know how stubborn my father can be so I can just imagine what a hardtime she must be having.

My family would be visiting me in PMB in a few weeks, once Imraan and I settle down.

I have a busy week ahead of me till move day...Shew!

Part 45: waterworks

Imraan didn't bother replying to MiL...he just took a deep breath and blew it out slowly...
I guess he had his say and he was ready to calm down...but oh!, I hadn't even gotten started!!

I turned on the TV and turned the volume all the way up, then I walked into the bathroom and gestured for Imraan to follow me, I opened the tap full blast.

Imraan came in and sat on the closed toilet...

I looked at him for a long minute...

Then I finally said, "Do you really think I cheated on you?"

"No", he said simply.

" Then what was all this about?". I demanded.

" Yesterday I used your car to go to the gym, I stopped to fill fuel...when I opened the ash try to dump the change, a piece of paper popped out...". Imraan said.

Oh!

" it said Zain Mohammed and it had some contact details. I didn't know you knew anybody with that name but I just put it back...i didn't think anything of it...", Imraan went on...

" Then I gave Saleem a lift home and he found a packet stuffed under the seat, it had a pack of kiss and hearts boxes and he started teasing me because it was size small...
I was just wondering why you bought them, if that's not my size but I still didn't think anything of it..." Imraan continued...

" this morning I took the IPad with me because my laptop is gone for software upgrades. I had time to kill and when I opened Facebook I saw that message...it just threw me...not even two minutes later you sent a message saying you hunting for the IPad..." Imraan went on

" it just got to much Fatima...too many coincidents and my over thinking brain..." Imraan finished.

 "please tell me what's going on! Please explain this..", Imraan said, desperately.

I wanted to laugh...really, I wanted to laugh.
Imraan looked so wounded...i just wanted to laugh. But I was also very hurt, Imraan's assumption/accusation/reaction stung...

" you should have started off this conversation with this part and given me a chance to explain first..", I said quietly

" the fact that you even think that I would do that to you...to us! Plus I'm expecting 
....", I said...getting riled up again

The tears that had been threatening to spill all evening, finally did.

Imraan tried to awkwardly comfort me but I pushed him away...

Finally I forced myself to stop the water works and talk...

"that number was for Bilal and Shireen...that guy who helped the twins at Mr Price, I took his details for them.

Those boxes were for you, only when I got home I saw they were the wrong size so I kept them under the seat so I could exchange them, I didn't want you to find it first.

I have no idea why that guy sent me a message on Facebook, I didn't see that message at all...i was looking for the iPad because I thought it got stolen..."

By the time I finished Imraan looked even more devastated than before.

" Fatima, I am so sorry...i don't know what got into me!", he said.

"I don't know either!", I replied.

I turned off the tap and walked out of the bathroom, I switched off the tv, got into bed and closed my eyes...

I heard Imraan leave the room.

I short while later he returned...with two magnums in a garage packet.

"Please forgive me baby...im so sorry." he said offering me one

I took the ice cream...


Nobody.refuses.ice-cream.

Part 44: Assumptions and Speculation...

Today when I got home from school, I found myself with nothing to do. I had no work for the next day nor was it my turn in the kitchen.
The house was kind off quiet too, everybody was off doing their own thing.

I flipped through channels and then decided to do some Facebook stalking...but I couldn't find the Ipad anywhere!

I hunted around abit in the usual places but it was nowhere to be seen...

Of course I immediately thought that Tumi or Thembi might have pinched it...after all, hadn't I used it just last night?

I distinctly remember playing games while imraan was at gym, I left it on the side table in sure...without logging off or switching it off, as usual.

Maybe one of them came into the room and saw the opportunity to take it?

Wait!wait! Wait!

I was jumping to conclusions...it was a terrible habit I must have picked up from my mother, every time something is misplaced, I immediately think it must have been stolen by the maid! I really need to stop making these false assumptions.

It was entirely possible Imraan could have put it somewhere...

I sent him a quick message asking if he knew where the Ipad was and then I heard Talha and Tariq so I went to chat to Sumaya.

When Imraan came home from work he was unusually quiet, not his usual jolly self. I asked him if he had a bad day at work but he just shrugged.

I guess his a bit overwhelmed with work...

At supper time I started to worry, i was  getting a weird vibe from Imraan...almost like he was upset with me! I couldn't understand why...

It definitely wasn't my imagination I decided after imraan ate in near silence, refusing to look at me, he didn't even ask me to pass him the bread that was right next to me, he asked Sumaya instead!

By the time we got to our room I was really worrying.

"Imraan...are you angry with me?", I asked quietly.

" here's the IPad you wanted!", Imraan said tossing the tablet onto the bed.

"oh, Oki...want to tell me what's wrong?", I asked.

" want to tell me who's zain?", Imraan shot back.

" what! Zain? I don't know!", I said confused.

I was so baffled by Imraan's behavior...

"Don't.lie.to.me.Fatima!", Imraan said through clenched teeth.

" I am NOT lying, why would I lie!", I replied, almost in tears.

Imraan grabbed the IPad from the bed and furiously started punching his finger at the screen...then he practically shoved it under my nose!

" THEN HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THIS!!!!", he yelled, close to tears himself.

The tears in my eyes made everything blurring, I had never seen Imraan so angry before and his behavior was frightening me...we have had fights obviously, but nothing like this...worse thing is, I didn't even know what we were fighting about!

I looked down into the screen, trying to see through my tears, it took me a minute to recognize the Facebook messaging app that was open, and another to make out the blurry writing...:

Zain Mohammed
Salaams
It was so nice to meet you the other day, 'a person like you is truly rare',as you said to me. Can't help but hope that our paths cross again sometime. Tc mwah
28 September , 19:08


OMW....!!!!!

Before I could register the message or even explain, Imraan started up again...

" is this why you were looking for the Ipad so frantically today? You didn't want me to see the message! You wanted to reply!"

Imraan was furious! And guess what...

I was furious too!

How dare he think that low of me!

But before I could even speak, a knock on the door interrupted us...

" Imraan Betha...is everything okay?"

Oh, here's the cherry on top... of course the whole damn house was ears wide open for this little fiasco...and MiL was leading the circus!